Some people write a clear, polite email and still see the same result come back. On the CELPIP scale, 8 is good proficiency in more demanding contexts. A 9 is effective proficiency in some high-stakes contexts. The gap is not more adjectives. It is fuller development, precise word choice, and complete task coverage.
Raters read that difference through four criteria: Content/Coherence, Vocabulary, Readability, and Task Fulfillment. how each section is scored sets out what those names mean. Below, one invented email is written twice. The facts stay the same. What changes is how fully each criterion is carried out.
The task
The situation is invented for this comparison. You paid for a beginner pottery class at Harbourview Community Centre. The centre cancelled the class. Write an email to the registration desk that does three things:
- Explain that the class was cancelled, and that you could not attend.
- Request a refund, and mention that you have already paid.
- Ask for the date of the next class.
Aim for about 150–200 words, and an email usually asks for around three things. The two sample emails below are shorter on purpose so the difference is visible. Read them as illustrations of that difference.
The version that feels finished
This version is competent. It is also the pattern that feels finished but stays ordinary. Every required point appears, the tone is polite, and nothing in it is careless. The points stay thin, the wording stays general, and the message is one block.
Dear Registration Team, I am writing to inform you that the beginner pottery class at Harbourview Community Centre was cancelled and that I could not attend it. I am writing to inform you that I already paid the fee for the class and I would like to request a refund. I am writing to inform you that I also need to know the next date when this class will be offered again. Please send me the information as soon as you are able. Thank you very much for your time and for your help with this matter. I look forward to your reply. Sincerely, Priya Nand
The same facts, developed
The class, the payment, and the question about a future date do not change. Each of the three points now has one concrete detail. The email is in paragraphs, the tone fits a registration desk, and the last line is a request the desk can answer.
Dear Registration Team, I registered for the beginner pottery class at Harbourview Community Centre. On Friday evening the centre emailed to say that the Saturday session was cancelled. By then I had already arranged a ride across town for that morning, so there was no way for me to attend. I have already paid the $86 fee by Visa, and the charge has gone through on my card. Please refund that amount to the same card, because the class did not run. I can attend only on Saturday mornings. Could you email me the date of the next beginner session once that date is set? Thank you, Priya Nand
What changed on each criterion
Content/Coherence
The first email sets the three points in a row and leaves each one as a bare statement: the class was cancelled, a refund is wanted, a date is needed. The second email keeps that order and gives each point its own paragraph, plus one detail a stranger could use. The cancellation arrived on Friday evening, after a ride across town was already arranged. The payment is an $86 Visa charge that has gone through. The next class is useful only if it falls on a Saturday morning. The ideas were already present. They are now developed.
Vocabulary
The first email repeats “I am writing to inform you” and leans on words that would fit almost any message: information, time, help, matter. The second email uses the ordinary words this desk needs in order to act: ride, Visa, charge, card, session. Those words are precise because they name the case. They are not decorative synonyms for simple ones.
Readability
The grammar in the first email is sound. The shape is what slows a reader. It is one block, and the same opening appears three times, so the reader starts over before each new point. The second email breaks where the task breaks. “By then” joins the cancellation to the ride, the refund sentence follows the payment, and the question stands in its own short paragraph. You can read it straight through.
Task Fulfillment
Both emails include the three requests, and both mention that the fee was already paid, in a polite register. The first email names those obligations and ends with a general wish for a reply. The second email tells the desk the amount and which card to refund, says which mornings are possible, and closes on one question. The tone fits a service desk: direct, specific, and easy to reply to. Length is not the contrast on this page. Both samples were shortened so they can be compared. In a full response, those same details need room inside the range named above.
What to look at in your own email
When you reread an email of your own, leave the opening line alone. Replacing “I am writing to inform you” with a different set phrase does not move the four criteria. Look at the prompt you were given, then look at the writing the way the two versions differ.
- Content/Coherence: each required point should carry one concrete detail, in an order a reader can follow, the way the ride, the $86 charge, and Saturday mornings each sit on a separate point.
- Vocabulary: ride, card, and session do the work that information, help, and matter do not. The useful word is the one this reader can act on, not a showier substitute.
- Readability: paragraphs should show where one point ends, and no sentence should make the reader stop to find the subject.
- Task Fulfillment: every request in the prompt should be visible, including the mention that you already paid, in a tone that fits the reader, with a last line that asks for something specific. A full test email still needs enough length for those details.
Keep the two versions beside how each section is scored and use the criterion names while you write. Then open Writing practice, take a new prompt, and write the thin pass and the developed pass before you revise either one.